Feb 09 2009
Oh Jon, you had me at the Joe the Plumber impersonation.
So last week I had to nearly dump my Secret Imaginary Boyfriend (SIB), Jon Stewart .
So here’s where you ask, “How? How Kelly, could you dump such a perfect example of funny blue-eyed full head of hair deliciousness? And why?”
I’ll tell you why.
Last week I had a brilliant idea for a freelance article and immediately started researching the web for supportive data, historical references, and fantastical quotes. After hours of writing and writing I had a draft that I knew was going cause all of my politically minded readers to cry with delight. All I needed to do was a quick edit in the morning, and off it would be sent.
So that night Jon called me for our usual evening tete-a-tete (OK, hook-up). He seduced me with stories of “Our Lady of Unlimited Executive Power” and promises of marriages between “gay stem cell created illegal aliens.”
Oh Jon. You make me weak in the knees.
The final touch?
He asks me about me. I think his exact word were, “Oh Kelly you beautiful sexy thang, tell me about what you’re writing. And while you’re telling me, why don’t I do those dishes for you?”
I ask you. Does it get any sexier than that?
Uh. No.
But here’s the rub.
The next evening, while basking in the afterglow of some good Jon, I turn on his show. And what was that I was hearing?
Son of a…
He stole my idea!
And he did it better, the b*st*rd!
No. Don’t even try talking to me Mr. Stewart, and you can forget about the McLovin tonight. That’s it…we are over.
Finished.
Finite.
What’s that?
A “Why are you such a Dick?” reference?
Oh Jon.
You always know exactly what to say.
And that tape you have with Darth Vader himself…you sure know how to treat a girl.
Oh Jon.
You had me at the Joe the Plumber impersonation.
Call me…
